i think my tv is drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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