as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
