; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
