Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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