New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.