You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.