I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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