I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize