I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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