mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
