How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
...so i touched it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
