Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
