my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
