peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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