drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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