I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sorry about my life...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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