Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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