I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
