just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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