And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
