I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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