Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
