and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
