I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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