I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
