he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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