so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
