Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
