This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
