Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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