I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
