oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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