so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
