apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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