Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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