I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
