Just fell off a train. Bad.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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