At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
