so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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