whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
