This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
