tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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