My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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