I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
