I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
