I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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