woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
its liver damage thursday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
