It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize