You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
