PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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