All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
