how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
