this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
