I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
