how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
