they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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