3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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