I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
