I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
