I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend