i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?