i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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