How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.