ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize