My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
