Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize