did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
