i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
