We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
